Reason enough?

I am not usually one to enter into discussion about the lives of the rich and (in)famous. However an article I read today hit a nerve with me. So here goes...

Anyone who reads trashy women's magazines or celebrity blogs would be aware that Nicole Ritchie is pregnant . Now apart from being surprised that she could actually get pregnant seeing as she weighs in at about 38kg (83lb) I wasn’t giving it too much attention that she was preggers. Until I read this week’s cover story in Australia’s New Weekly magazine.

Now bear with me for a moment while I pad this out with some pivotal background information...

Nicole Ritchie has a history of drug abuse . She started using before she even hit her teens. She has spent time in rehab and she had been on the straight and narrow for a while. But then she and her BFF Paris Hilton filmed the reality show (I use that term loosely) The Simple Life . It is said that Nicole got tired of being referred to as “the fat friend” and set out to lose weight. And lose weight she did. She went from being slim (by average standards) to a skeletal 38kg . For a while it looked like she and Lindsey Lohan were having a competition to the death (literally) to see who could lose the most weight. Naturally all sorts of rumours started flying that she was back on drugs and then Nicole was caught and charged with DUI. As Nicole is already on probation after pleading guilty to heroin possession in 2003, this latest charge could mean a trip to the slammer a la her BFF Paris.

And now, after the gossip mags speculating for well over a month, Nicole has confirmed that she is indeed pregnant. In NW magazine, she is quoted as saying "The baby was the perfect way to turn my life around. I wanted a beautiful reason to do it".

And it is that statement that raised my ire...

I have two children of my own. I know how much joy and wonder comes with discovering you are pregnant, carrying the baby and then giving birth. I know how much having a child adds to your life. I also know how much hard work goes into being a parent. Many couples have had a baby in a last ditch attempt to keep their relationship a happening thing. Anyone who has had a baby will tell you that this is a really risky thing to do. Newborn babies are high maintenance. Even the most easygoing baby needs feeding and changing approximately every two hours. Add to that the potential for a baby with special needs such as reflux or colic, or simply being a baby that likes to be held 24/7 and you begin to see that there could be trouble in paradise. Mix in the chances of mum having a difficult pregnancy/labour/delivery or postnatal depression and you begin to wonder how any relationship actually survives a newborn baby! If Nicole Ritchie thinks that having a baby is going to make her life easier, she is labouring under a misapprehension to say the least!

Women who are pregnant or who have just given birth are vulnerable emotionally because of the increased hormone levels in their body. They are also going through a major rite of passage during which life as they know it, completely changes. If you have any weaknesses, any issues, any ANYthing, it is going to be amplified when you have a baby. I agree that a baby will turn Nicole's life around but she is taking a huge risk in expecting another human being to give her the impetus to change her addictive and self destructive behaviours. Its common knowledge that no one can change an addict except for an addict themselves. And it isn't fair to expect someone else to do it for you. What happens if Nicole's baby screams all night long every night of the week and Nicole is at her wit's end and is tempted to use? Or if she does in fact go ahead and use? Will she then (consciously or subconsciously) blame her baby for that? After all, she is clearly stating that that the baby is going to purge her of all her issues, that's what is implied when she says the baby will turn her life around. Another thing that worries me is that Nicole states that she wanted a "beautiful reason" to turn her life around. How about wanting to live? Isn't the idea of staying alive enough of a reason to turn your life around? Or how about staying out of jail? That would be enough for some people...

Professionally I have worked closely with women who have had babies thinking that the baby would give them a reason to live, that the baby would provide them with the unconditional love they crave, that it would be "fun" to have a baby, that getting pregnant was the way to keep their man, that having a child was a great way to secure an income (welfare payments) and a million other reasons that have been questionable at best. And its all fine and good until reality sets in and things get hard. And when you are a parent, things.are.going.to.get.hard. Sooner or later, something will happen that makes you realise that being a parent is the ultimate in tough jobs. Of course there is rarely a time in anyone's life that everything is in place, that there are no issues and it is the perfect time to procreate. Making the decision to bring a child into the world can (and should) be the most difficult decision a woman ever has to make. Of course there do seem to be an awful lot of women who dont give it much thought at all and pop babies out without so much as blink of an eyelid. (Okay maybe not that easily but you know what I mean). There are some people who should never have children. Who exactly those people are depends on your point of view. But it goes without saying that having and raising a child is a huge responsibility and it is not something that should be taken lightly.

I honestly hope that this baby DOES help Nicole Ritchie get her shit together. I hope that she can stay on the wagon this time and put the well being of her baby before any of her own needs. I hope that this baby is raised feeling safe and secure and loved. I really do hope all those thing. But I am not holding my breath...